I've been looking through these eyes of black & white for far too long.

I will make a nest in the back of the closet where I will sleep & I will stare into the high heels & the shoes still covered in one weekend's vomit. I am too terrified to fill my stomach with little pieces of rounded glass. I will start combing out my hair & collecting every single strand. I will burn them on the rear burner instead of cooking meals. I will tape up the love letters you sent me into little origami boats & send them down the storm drains. They were always too poetic, too startling, they smelled of nesting red-winged black birds but I will memorize them first by every single letter, even the misspelling of traveling. I will recite them to my grandchildren, stumbling over the words.

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Toothless dentist, cops that kill.

I wish I were an arrogant lil' rascal, with a bounce in my step & an ugly smirk on my face & just my thumbs in the front pockets of my jeans. I want to fight back when the pavement threatens to swallow me between the slabs of concrete laid over razed earth a few decades ago. Sometimes, I've forgotten that the stones I confide in are not listening, or that the duck outside my window is not meant for only me to hear. I knw so few things in the world but I knw why we keep such words tucked away in our veins ; the notion of you not suffering as I do made me think perhaps it would be better to let your lips puncture my lungs.

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To grasp you like you’re the last thing in my world.

Let's not spill the truth, it's easier being alone.
Everytime I think of you, I feel shot through with a bolt of blue. My body & positions are lost at sea. You got so alone at times, that it just make sense. These are just ghosts that broke my heart before I met you. Why do I smile, at people I'd rather kick in the eye? Say what's on your mind. If you are willing to chase me I promise I would run slow. I've been telling lies, but I'll tell you the truth. We can dream our lives away. Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.

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Cameras for eyes, horses for hearts.

I am drowning in the reverberation of the fissures tearing through my heart. It makes you wonder.. Doesn't it?
'm out of this tiny space. So long old bean!

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One by one, I sold my daughters on the wind.

Stones don't shatter until it's already too late. Watching leaves, wind-sent blowing over for a moment & flying away again, intrigued by the freezing-warm stones that somehow seem content to be so alone. The ways an old memory sticks to one place, it can be so amazing. A wavy shape appears, I think the shadows are really understanding me. 'This is really who I am, I am lost & confused.'
I am a reality, but also a contradiction.

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We all live in boxes with rose tinted windows.

Each picture marking a moment in your life, each snapshot freezing that split second of time. A spell of vain-ness, passing away the time. Hundreds & hundreds, you won't want to look through my phone. Thousands & thousands, you delete them if they make you groan. All of it meaningless, creating false memories. Weird outfits ; Stupid poses ; Cheesy smiles - Preserved in a picture, frozen forever. Fake happiness. The world isn't a harsh place, but the people in it are.

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Dear girl with red shoes, I pass you each day in the city.

I came to realise that as long as you're happy with yourself, it doesn't matter how others are having thse ugly prejudices 'bout you. Thse unfair opinions of them doesn't mean anything to you anymore. Go on & say whatever you want 'bout me, go on & give me this crude stare, really, just do whatever you like. All the while, decaying & wasting away my last moments of childhood with people who don't care. 'cuse I am a thing, I don't matter. I've decided to live, 'cuse this is the only chance I get. It’s harder to get through a day, but sometimes I don’t even worry ; I know that I can’t worry anymore. I want to talk to you, but I’m losing my ability to speak.
Sometimes I feel invisible, like I’m not really there, like I’m a ghost that can't find her home.
My obsession carried me this far, didn't it?

READ MORE - Dear girl with red shoes, I pass you each day in the city.