Escaping a world where a father's lessons were taught with fists.
Almost a decade earlier, I would have taken what I could carry in a small brown suitcase & headed for the nearest highway. It feels exhilarating, being outside late at night, alone. Now I am beginning again, following an inner voice that sometimes shapes into a song & sometimes just grumbles about the day. I'm noticing how good it feels. Not easy, but good. Satisfying. It sent a bolt through me that people commit suicide on & charged my chest with a happy nervous shock. I would stop, years would pass. It was comforting to see a friendly face. The girl, with her long, chestnut hair cascading behind her, has a huge grin on her face. She loves it. She roams the desolate black alleys of a broken city. The way an old memory sticks to one place, it can be so amazing. Life, can just be life, not a narrative to be crafted & sold. But to me, you died a long time ago. What you're doing right now isn't living, you're merely existing. You aren't a person anymore, just a hollow shell fueled solely by addiction & nothing else. But none of that matters. Life has played out the way it is meant to be, & despite the many times I've coiled up in the bathroom away from everyone, in heavy tears when you'd get smashed & call, because the intoxication had you feeling real guilty. There's a girl & she's lost her ability to laugh. There's a girl & she's lost her ability. There's a girl & she's lost. You'll never learn.. Will you?
Almost a decade earlier, I would have taken what I could carry in a small brown suitcase & headed for the nearest highway. It feels exhilarating, being outside late at night, alone. Now I am beginning again, following an inner voice that sometimes shapes into a song & sometimes just grumbles about the day. I'm noticing how good it feels. Not easy, but good. Satisfying. It sent a bolt through me that people commit suicide on & charged my chest with a happy nervous shock. I would stop, years would pass. It was comforting to see a friendly face. The girl, with her long, chestnut hair cascading behind her, has a huge grin on her face. She loves it. She roams the desolate black alleys of a broken city. The way an old memory sticks to one place, it can be so amazing. Life, can just be life, not a narrative to be crafted & sold. But to me, you died a long time ago. What you're doing right now isn't living, you're merely existing. You aren't a person anymore, just a hollow shell fueled solely by addiction & nothing else. But none of that matters. Life has played out the way it is meant to be, & despite the many times I've coiled up in the bathroom away from everyone, in heavy tears when you'd get smashed & call, because the intoxication had you feeling real guilty. There's a girl & she's lost her ability to laugh. There's a girl & she's lost her ability. There's a girl & she's lost. You'll never learn.. Will you?