I feel like such a hypocrite. How can I talk to her & make nice about this situation, but how can I not? It's so awkward that sometimes I'd rather jump out the window than feel it all over again. I think too much but say too little. I want to open up but I don't want to be a whiny bitch. I hate jealousy but I always get jealous. Life's not easy, in fact it has always been in a mess. I hate waking up, I detest each new day. Life has gotten so boring, I am so bored being alive. I don't really want to kill myself, I just don't see anything exciting to die. I don't talk to anyone about it, & no one knows exactly how tired I am. I am not asking for help, or searching for a way out. I'm just scared & afraid of what's to come, is going a hell lot worse. Mom is throwing her temper around, Grandpa's health is crashing down. His illness is gnawing on my nerves. All I feel is sorrow & hurt. This is tearing me apart. Why are we so punished? I wish I could help Grandma out, of all her worrying & such. It hurts so much to be ignored, by the people who mean the world to you. It hurts so bad when you feel, something everyone else doesn't understand. Things are going so hell.