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For I cannot bear the burden of going through another year.



READ MORE - For I cannot bear the burden of going through another year.

If only someone half as wonderful as you did exist.

Grandma kept it clean & neat.

Goodnight sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite.
READ MORE - If only someone half as wonderful as you did exist.

The few lines seemed to say it all.


Spare the ugly face



Her mind was like her Grandmother's refrigerator : a jumble of little things, some moldy beyond recognition but still frugally saved - two brown coins of banana, few spoonfuls of rice - all in little plastic - wrapped up in squares. She couldn't get them unstuck any more than she could open her eyes. She couldn't get her eyes to open, not even for a second.
She wasn't sad.
You weren't supposed to be
sad at your own death. But she wasn't joyous either.
Where was the bliss?
READ MORE - The few lines seemed to say it all.

Merry Christmas if I don't see you.

We're in love. Them & me. On a scale of one to ten, my guilty level was at an eight.
READ MORE - Merry Christmas if I don't see you.

Am I like a damaged artifact that isn't worth preserving.




I'm as happy as a kid today.
She got me speedin’ in the fast lane
Pedal to the floor mayne, tryna get back to her love
Best believe she got that good thang
She my little hood thang, ask around they know us
.
I'm. Bored. ( Click if you're as bored as me )
READ MORE - Am I like a damaged artifact that isn't worth preserving.

Opening more avenues filled with visions of you.

Hey Edward Cullen,
What's it like to be a vampire? Oh god how I wish you were real. I'll gladly be your meal. Now I'm waiting in Forks High School. Asked some guy to run me over with his van. Waiting for your helping hand. Alice came to visit me, she dressed me up for prom you see. I broke my leg so I could have a cast. I finally got a date today. Oh Edward please bite me. Oh Edward marry me. This is so funny. hahahah
READ MORE - Opening more avenues filled with visions of you.

If I told you I'd die tomorrow.

I'm feeling terribly low. I need to ventilate. Fuck up those crash-ness for life. Tell me how to end all these misery? You know you've done something wrong, when you go to bed, you cannot close your eyes, because you dread, all those things that have been done, they race through your head, & you wonder if, your wrongs will be pardoned. You know you've done something wrong, because you fear all those disappointment, you made your parents weep. All you want to tell them, & simply just beseech,
"Please Forgive Me."
READ MORE - If I told you I'd die tomorrow.

Carrying it through teenage wasteland.









Okay admit it, I have too much free time on my hands. Really, seriously. haha But it ain't really a bad thing either. I can daydream & boom, time passes in a blink of an eye. I don't understand why boredom always have a way of knocking on my door & enter into my house to drop me a visit even when I don't want it to. Okay, Boredom, with a big fat B, is my new best friend. heehee Listening to Lifehouse's songs on ear buds is like having Jason Wade singing into my ear. Aww Awwwww. Melt. :-)

READ MORE - Carrying it through teenage wasteland.

& It’s gone before I have even begun.


A phrasing that's a single tear, Is harder than I ever feared. And you were left feeling so alone. Because these days aren't easy, Like they have been once before, These days aren't easy anymore.
Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this so easily? You make it hard to smile because, You make it hard to breathe.Why do you do this to me? To me, to me, to me.

READ MORE - & It’s gone before I have even begun.

While your hands bleed on the melody you rape.

Take 1.
Take 2. 3, 4, & 5.
"Haaaallelujah"
Throw the emotional & dreary feeling out the window today. Bad emotions are gone, today is the day to make it all go your way. I like that happy feeling, I should stick to it like glue. We could be happy, if we would just try. What is causing us so much pain, tht we'd want our life to end? It's not often I have to confess. How can they make that assumption?
READ MORE - While your hands bleed on the melody you rape.

Adrenaline coarses into my hands.


This is going to be up all over my walls by tmr. Right now I feel ready to kill. I won't listen to your unholy stupid words again. You're not the one to take my life to hell. You can no longer control me. I won't be a puppet. I hope you see the anger in me. I hate you a lil', mom, I kind of hate you right now. You make me feel so sour & irritated. There's a knot in my stomach. My throat feels like it's going to explode. I've got the urge to throw things at you. The rage is making me insane. It's amazing how bad pure hatred can feel. I am being such a terrible daughter. Should stop moaning this could not make me any happier.
READ MORE - Adrenaline coarses into my hands.

But I can't find the words to get it all said.

I feel as though my mind is slowly being erraticated, all I want to do everyday is just to lay down & think. I am being such a loser, I want to just let my soul drift towards the sky. But I know it's not my time quite yet, I've still got plenty of things ahead unaccomplished. Nothing of that sort, you know I'm only too lazy to live. I hate rainy days it spoils my mood.
We both know you’re telling me things
You
Really
Shouldn’t
Say.
READ MORE - But I can't find the words to get it all said.

Plastic laughter rang into the ears of everyone on that street.


Thse kids down the block are so noisy I can't have my beauty nap all I can hear is the ringing of their dumb & stupid bike bells.What the heck with the lil' boys they couldn't stop ringing their bells like non stop hits, only this is more like non stop bike bells ringing. Halloween at Night Safari last night, scare the shit outta me but I spend almost half of my time on the tram shutting my eyes away. haha Everyone could've heard my heart racing like fire burning through the skin. Hey thanks a ton even if I've nearly pull out all your fingers off. haha Apologies. :-)
READ MORE - Plastic laughter rang into the ears of everyone on that street.

Heartache is on its way.

Terrible. This is going to be so hard. They're taking over my life. It's making mom's life hard to live. It's all so hard to understand. I am so broken, a happy picture now gone. Time will pass, it will go.
READ MORE - Heartache is on its way.

We speak in forbidden secrets you and I.

It just isn't quite the way it used to be. So I've been bitter, writing letters to myself & it doesn't feel right.
Is there some hidden meaning? Some agenda to be found? It seems that the harder I try, it just serves to add more questions. What's started up these sting emotions, now those feelings I can hardly ever see. Funny how the mind works. You know what I mean.
I want to rest my eyes now.
READ MORE - We speak in forbidden secrets you and I.

Realisation hits me cruelly like a prayer in a curse.

I feel like such a hypocrite. How can I talk to her & make nice about this situation, but how can I not? It's so awkward that sometimes I'd rather jump out the window than feel it all over again. I think too much but say too little. I want to open up but I don't want to be a whiny bitch. I hate jealousy but I always get jealous. Life's not easy, in fact it has always been in a mess. I hate waking up, I detest each new day. Life has gotten so boring, I am so bored being alive. I don't really want to kill myself, I just don't see anything exciting to die. I don't talk to anyone about it, & no one knows exactly how tired I am. I am not asking for help, or searching for a way out. I'm just scared & afraid of what's to come, is going a hell lot worse. Mom is throwing her temper around, Grandpa's health is crashing down. His illness is gnawing on my nerves. All I feel is sorrow & hurt. This is tearing me apart. Why are we so punished? I wish I could help Grandma out, of all her worrying & such. It hurts so much to be ignored, by the people who mean the world to you. It hurts so bad when you feel, something everyone else doesn't understand. Things are going so hell.
READ MORE - Realisation hits me cruelly like a prayer in a curse.

Wish you were here. Or I was there instead.


READ MORE - Wish you were here. Or I was there instead.

He bathed in the melody of her laughter.

Lying miles away in a deserted field, his heart shattered into twenty-one-billion pieces.
The battery of his camera died as the last memory he could ever have of her went black.
It was raining outside, but he didn’t seem to notice the dull pattering against his window panes. He fumbled in his pocket in search of his keys, found them, and rushed for the garage.
He didn’t buckle his seatbelt, almost wanting to die this time. Instinct led his car to the cemetery.
Raindrops mingled with the tears on his face as he searched for the headstone.
Her name was there, carved out in letters that were too stiff and too formal. He traced them with his quaking fingertips. They felt nothing like any part of her.
READ MORE - He bathed in the melody of her laughter.

But in reality I hated me.

Cause I'm not coming back I'm closing the door
I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not any more
I got the picture phone baby, your picture's gone
Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed
Cause it's over girl you know it's over this time
So when you call I'm pressin 7 don't wanna hear your messages messages
I'm tryna erase you from my mind
Cause it's over I swear girl it's over this time
So don't keep callin' leavin messages don't wanna know where you been
Baby cause it's over.

READ MORE - But in reality I hated me.

Tucked underneath my skin, as if you've been thr all along.

I spend the first half an hour on my bed doing some v significant naptime dreaming. Thn the daydreaming stops 'cuse I actually fall asleep & do some v real dreaming, but unfortunately I can't control thse & it's not 'bout hoping to catch a fragment of my future ; it's 'bout showing up for a cooking class & having forgotten to wear any clothes & everyone laughing at me as I try to shield myself with a frying pan. Which is really, really small. Ironic.


READ MORE - Tucked underneath my skin, as if you've been thr all along.

She made the appropriate responses as tears coursed down her face.

READ MORE - She made the appropriate responses as tears coursed down her face.

It echoes with a finality.


All this mayhem is drivng me insane.
I can no longer take it, no longer stand it.
Bury the anger, an oncoming hell.
READ MORE - It echoes with a finality.

Overexcited.


It's like months since I do my walks across the beach. Thr's something about the stretch of sand, it seems to clear my mind on life's issues & relaxes me. Nth beats the feel of hearing the crash of waves & speeding on the cycling tracks. It kinds of give a surge of happiness without much effort. Just by the simple sounds of waves, it's one of the most beautiful things in the world. I realised a lot of things whn I am here in my sanctuary, reflecting on all the ups & downs of life. I wouldn't mind going to the beach evry single day. :-)

READ MORE - Overexcited.

Thy're the ones who make the big ppl BIG.


He stood at the top of the roof, his eyes wide open, breathing heavily.
He scanned the horizon, hoping the site would be his last.
He crouched down, knees bent, preparing for his last jump & last fall.
He sprung up from the black tar shingles almost as in slow motion, the wind whipping his golden blonde hair back.
Someone called out, their voice barely a whisper as he seemed to float down to the pavement below.
It would hurt, he knew it.
Yet, it wouldn't be the worst pain he'd felt.
Still as in slow motion to his head hit the ground, neck snapping back, instantly killing him.
His body seemed to crumble & crunch almost like a paper.
He lay there, body mangled, eyes dark, hands cold.

READ MORE - Thy're the ones who make the big ppl BIG.

For foreign films and modern plays



I always pictured something perfect, top down, speeding down a lonely road, like they do in fear and loathing.
Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro, high on whatever they could find, racing to nowhere, and fast.
I could do with the lack of drugs, and more with the blasting of music I could sing out loud without critique from anyone around me.
Then again you'd be there, laughing at me as I sing all the words of every song you could possibly find on that ipod.
I remember the time when I held it up to my ear because i couldn't hear anything, and you still continue to give me a shit about it, and always bring it up.
But we'll continue to drive, and I don't think the smile will leave my face, because we'll be driving by the beach.
And lord knows I love that place.
I don't know why no one will be there, but they won't, because then it wouldn't be perfect anymore.
I'll hear the waves cracking as they slap against the shore, and the grass will shift in the wind and send an offshore breeze right up to my nose, and I'll be able to breathe easier, it might as well be as addicting as heroin.
And you won't mind that I'll stop just to look at the sky, because the shapes of the clouds had always amaze me.
READ MORE - For foreign films and modern plays